कर्म

आदमी जो कहता है, आदमी जो करता है,
ज़िन्दगी भर वो सदायें पीछा करती हैं!

Schnee

Tiny flakes lit by street lamps,
Powder under the feet, on the coat, on the head
Cottony wisps coming at you but stopped short by the wind-screen
Coolness melting in the palms, on the cheeks,
Outdoor tables loaded with perfect pristine circular cakes,
White vastness everywhere.

“The Buddha, Geoff and Me”, and me

This book by Edward Canfor-Dumas is something that I would have never borrowed much less bought had I seen it at a bookshop. I would have dismissed it as pop-psychology/encourage-yourself-in-10-steps kind of a book – something that I never read. So when Vatssla, a friend from school, recommended it after hearing of my marriage fiascos, I noted down the name and comfortably went to my World War 2 Stories.

But she persisted, and I am glad she did!

After she insisted that she wants me to read it cause she considers me a friend, I had to give in. I ordered it on Amazon and the book arrived in a few days.

When I started reading it, the initial impression was indeed of it being a pop-psych-10-step course with a veneer of a storyline. But as I usually persist with all the books that I pick up (only exceptions being Mein Kamf and The Jamaica Inn), I kept on with this one.

I am glad I did.

The protagonists in the book – Geoff and the Narrator talk about life and how Buddhism can redeem what we call life.

This is the first time I really read about the religion apart from the stories that I had read in school textbooks. The fantastic thing about the book is that it conveys that you can apply the learnings of the religion without actually following it.

Several of these things resonated with me at different levels. At certain points I identified what I had absorbed as just being a Hindu and being observant of my religion. At others, I recalled lessons that I had learnt in my Moral Science classes at the Convent School I went to. Still others were values that I got from my mother. And the ones about being grown-up and independent from my counseling sessions were there too.

So, though I felt like “I know it all” at times, it was quite enlightening to read about all those values that have been know to us all from the various sources of our growth, and which still get lost in the banalities of life.

Am I going to use these principles to make anything of my marriage? May be, may be not. That would all depend on my life state at the time of reckoning. But I would definitely try and change my life-state at that point in time. Live less of “Animality” and “Anger” and go to more of “Learning” and “Buddha hood”. It’s not going to be easy but I will try. It may not help the marriage, but it will help me and, hopefully, Neha too.

And I am going to recommend this book to some of my friends as well. That would be the “Bodhisattva” state! Hooray!!!

Thanks Vatssla. Thanks Mr. Dumas.

Read a chapter here

Trinity

by Leon Uris

“All we have ever shared,” she said, “is a room, a bed and a little time. We have never shared the sunlight or the wind or the feel of rain. When we were together it was always so temporary we never had the time to be ourselves. Love can’t mature in one room.” “What happened”, he asked. “One night, I found myself laughing. I laughed and laughed until I had tears and pains in my side…..I talked to Blanche and told her about all the peculiar sensations I was going through and I asked her what was wrong with me. She said, ‘My God, Shelley, you’re just happy, that’s all”.
David Kimberley realized he had never made her happy. He had given her pleasure from time to time, but what they had shared really was flight from mutual disenchantment.



“…I’ve lived in limbo, Conor. Limbo is no place for a man to exist. Its living death, worse than death, praying for death.”



Atty neither budged nor acknowledged his presence. He played his fingertips down her back and over the curve of her hip. No response. He rolled away, onto his back. He knew she was awake, stuffing it in, would never show a tear. “You are mad at me and you’ve every right to be,” he said. “A little, not too much,” she answered.
“I don’t know what’s the matter with me. For three weeks, I’ve been looking forward day and night to seeing you…and then I go make a balls out of it”.
“It’s natural enough,” Atty said. “You’re all pent up with no one to let it out on. You’ve got to cut it lose on me, I suppose. I understand.”
“I don’t know how much of this guff you have to take,” he said. “Just because you get drunk once in a while, I’m not letting you go man. Besides, I’ve poor little pride where you’re concerned.”

क्या ...

क्या तुमने बारिश की छांव देखी है?
....पतझड़ की सरसराहट सुनी है?

क्या तुमने बादलों को छुआ है?
....कोहरे से ख़ुद को भिगोया है?

Bratislava

The capital of Slovakia is quite unlike a western European city, much less like a capital. People attribute that to the Communism that left the country 20 years ago.

It reminded me of a Delhi of about 20 years ago. Old buildings with peeling off paint, ground floors housing glossy shops while the upper floors look unkempt, smart boutiques propped up amidst debris, and a nice central district.

It was my first taste of an erstwhile communist country. With several permanent as well as moving exhibitions on, the city seemed to be stuck with an agenda of highlighting the communist evils of the entire Eastern Europe.

Another peculiar thing about the city was that the churches were mostly closed for renovation or just taking a break which is quite unusual. Plus throughout the city, there are sculptures – numerous random sculptures – modern art as well as statues and busts. They have a sculpture of a pair of women’s thigh length boots in the backyard of the president’s house!
And there is series of sculptures of “Cumil and friends” across the old town. These are statues of men in interesting poses – right from getting out of a manhole to being paparazzi.

Then, there is Petrazalka. A township built by the communist government to keep the people in the city. The biggest township in central Europe is blocks of paneled houses built on top of each other. Some of them are crumbling and some have received new cheerful colors to beat away the generally grey mood of the city. This place reminded of old DDA flats, only that these are much taller and more numerous housing about 200,000 people.

The vegetarian food is primarily based around potatoes and cheese. The best part of my weekend trip was the desserts – Sachertortes (sugar tortes – chocolate cakes with jam fillings), Tiramisus, apple pies and other versions of chocolate cakes – sheer bliss! Overall, it was a decent, fattening getaway for me.

Change…

As the weather was changing this fall, I happened to change a few things about my routine. I took up a workout package at work, went to learn a new dance style, changed my working hours, started eating my dinner earlier, a new language course etc. Seemingly minor changes in my lifestyle but they pulled me out of my comfort zone. I was delightfully surprised by the change.

Suddenly the life seems very busy – quite different from the slow paced monotone that I had fallen into. It was nice being stuck to my books, my running and my usual nothingness. After the hullabaloo in my life while in India, coming here had given me a chance to relax and ponder. But then I got too ponderous!

So, all this activity and buzz is a welcome change. Today, I did find myself longing for some relaxed time, but then I just smiled at that.

As the leaves changed color and the weather got colder, I seemed to find a new purpose. A welcome change!