Looking at the future....

As I plan to return home to India, there is so much uncertainty. But, in a good way. On my last trip home, I wondered how I would fit in – the dust, the pollution, the hullaballoo, the noise – the entropy! But by the end of the trip, the DNA had taken over and I was doing my bit to add to the mess – driving rashly, being impolite and edgy!
I guess it will not be so difficult to go back to the roots!
Only that the time is not certain. Post October seems difficult.
Would it be Jan or Feb remains to be seen.
And what would I do when I am back? Same rigmarole in Bangalore, or the same rigmarole at a different place? Or a different juggle at an MBA?

All that is left...

...are returned cards written in awkward cursive.
...are entries in the diary with yellowing pages.
...are dried flowers, moldy chocolate wrappers.
...are unrealized hopes, childhood fantasies.
...and some broken hearts....

Lots of baggage, in a blue plastic bag.

Change…

As the weather was changing this fall, I happened to change a few things about my routine. I took up a workout package at work, went to learn a new dance style, changed my working hours, started eating my dinner earlier, a new language course etc. Seemingly minor changes in my lifestyle but they pulled me out of my comfort zone. I was delightfully surprised by the change.

Suddenly the life seems very busy – quite different from the slow paced monotone that I had fallen into. It was nice being stuck to my books, my running and my usual nothingness. After the hullabaloo in my life while in India, coming here had given me a chance to relax and ponder. But then I got too ponderous!

So, all this activity and buzz is a welcome change. Today, I did find myself longing for some relaxed time, but then I just smiled at that.

As the leaves changed color and the weather got colder, I seemed to find a new purpose. A welcome change!

Paused

Plans
Procreation
Passion

Trips
Thoughts
Tales

Ambition
Amour
All strangely paused
As time passes by….

Happy 33!

The day went by pretty uneventful. Had to work which I think is a big sacrifice. But took a half day off. Colleagues got a cake and wished. Screwed up a plan of getting people home. Visited a Gurdwara for the second time in my life, and actually sat by the Granth Sahib for the first time. This part was peaceful.
Screwed up a little more by questioning the nature of a gift sent from miles away.
Bought my self a cool pair of trousers. Had dinner with friends/colleagues.

Several questions remain unanswered while new ones have popped up. Several dreams are yet to be realized, while the debris of several others lies strewn everywhere. This is not how I had planned it to be. This is not how it was to be. But this is destiny. And as I learn to live for the day, I’d say ‘Hello 33, nice to meet you’.

Ae zindagi, gale laga le….

Reality ravaged the romance

There wasn’t a familiar face. There wasn’t anybody waiting. No open arms to rush into.
Instead I found friends who had forgotten the dates of my arrival, phone calls that went unanswered cause my number was new and then some excuses.

It was unpleasant as my enthusiasm died down in the never ending traffic. As I woke up to the fact that life has gone on while I was gone, I wondered why I was there!

The home front was a battle, full of stress. I tried to squeeze in some pleasure – a few breaths of normalcy.

My vacations felt vacant.

Only later when I let go of expectations and donned the practical outlook did I get some solace and had some fun.

Lesson learnt.