A Gross Post

As the title hints, this one is gross and may not go down well with the readers. So, please stop reading here if you are not into scat.

If you are still reading this, I will try and use language that is in-offensive. For starters, let me clarify that I am not into scat – or into excrement of any sort. But the German commodes have brought me to this level. I am not sure if there is something necessarily German about these commodes – but I have not seen this design anywhere else.

The middle part of these commodes is reversed from the usual ones The normal means the only ones I had seen so far. So, right below your bum is the temporary resting place for your turds. And the usual hole-of-water is in the front. So you can clearly see your dirty deeds wash down the drain. (Gosh, I feel pathetic writing this. But I have to get this off my chest as I have been living with this post since September).

Now, before you actually flush your stuff away you will have to sit a few inches above it, while bowel smells waft around and warm your exposed bum. You have to be so alert that as soon as it drops, you must turn around and flush it away. Clearly it needs some nimble handiwork too, to be able to turn around and hit the button while you are still in the middle of the act. But if you don’t show that dexterity, you have to sit on your shit.

Trouble happens when you have been eating healthy and trouble happens when the tummy is upset. If you are healthy the shit is healthy too (holy mother of cow!) and takes several flushes to even budge from its throne. The aerodynamics come on practical display here so well – there is this oblong thing lying and not moving at all because the water flow is in the same direction. And you flush and you flush. The small flush and the big flush. Then you wait it to refill and you flush some more. But the diva or the big bully (that depends on the size) refuses to budge. Then you just sit helplessly curling up your nose and cursing the designer of the commode. What on earth were he/she thinking when they designed it - that people will happily sit and smell their shit?

And when you do only the small number, you have to aim really well else the collected puddle in the middle raises hell and gets everything else wet.

As I traveled around here a bit more and went to some more bathrooms, I realized that this was an old design and the new ones that they use are the regular ones. But sadly I live in a building that is older than me and I sit on a commode that is from another era.

There, I have said it. Now if you are disgusted, picture me each morning!

And get disgusted some more.